little by little
Thursday, August 28, 2003
livejournal is a lot more fun than i thought. definitely a lot more fun than blogger. for one, it's extremly interactive, and the community i'm applying into is highly entertaining (though by the looks of it i'm not gonna make it =P). anyway, it's just as fun to read, and with that ABC around it's even more motivational =D might be away for awhile, need to impress her over at livejournal for now *grins* toodles!
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
am currently very depressed. didn't make it for the nac golden point, feeling like shit. they should've told me earlier so i woulnd't waste my poems, now i missed out on them, and the rest of the competitions =( fuck fuck fuck. anyway, got a new livejournal thingy today, so Operation ABC starts NOW.
fell in love yesterday when i came across this livejournal owned by a really cute ABC. well she lives in maryland, and is pretty smart. plus she also writes passable poetry =) i don't know why but her picture just stirred me really hard in the loins, and i've decided to initiate Operation ABC. olive will get me a LJ code and i'll then throw in a few ubercool entries and some pseudo-philosophical nietzsche and machiavelli. might also use milton just to add depth *hehe* of course i'll serve up some of my lousy poetry too, plus the fact that she seems to like being chinese, i pretty much stand a chance (i think.) muahaha monica bellucci step aside please
Not romance
Because I haven't wooed her
Not love
Not yet
But don't mete out the distances like laws
These secular measurements of hermetic fear
Singapore versus America
Thousands of miles, millions of yards
I could take 23 hours or forever to reach there
She is the hinge on my scales-
You want to know how pretty she is?
In words, she's so pretty I don't even want to fuck her.
in other words, move over bellucci.
Monday, August 25, 2003
yesterday i found myself re-reading Love Is A Dog From Hell, a book of beat poetry i bought sometime last year. i'm not telling you how the book was, because it doesn't suit the singaporean palate, but i rememeber i bought it for the title, if nothing else, and it was very early last year, when i was in that rox-induced funk (if you don't know then maybe you shouldn't be here), when i was still in sajc, when, despite that fucked-up funk(this is alliteration la tonsilester) everything was a little better than bearable. well, flipped through it, and all i could remember at the end of it was this: Love Is A Dog From Hell.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
been feeling a prickly kind of heat for the whole week, the rimy kind, that just settles around sporadically like mushrooms and at all the wrong places... which probably explains why i've been so irritable since monday. my nose isn't breathing as well as it should, and i feel derpived of oxygen constantly. there's nothing in my nostrils but i keep suffering from this urge to excavate them. snotpicking at 18, can you even begin to imagine? haven't been enjoying this week, i got triple-threat ulcers, with one on my bottom lip, two underneath my tongue, and one more on the back of my throat, on that thing that looks like a bell or a dangling spoon. none of the traditional remedies seem to work. i've tried that black gunpowder-lookalike that purportedly is derived from watermelon (please tell me how), various versions of cooling fluids (kudos to dajie) including barley, peppermint chestnut, "5-Flower" tea and so on. i think it's that yinyang thing. the chinese believe that your body displays symptoms of heat when you got too much yang (the male aura or something) and symptoms of cold when you got too much yin (the female version of yang). i should be pretty happy to have an abundance of yang -which allowed me to put on just a sweater to skin, and walk out in the middle of a korean winter on jeju island with winds marilyn monroe would've thrived in- but all this heat in my body is really hard to dispel and i'm going crazy trying to contain my temper, my belligerence. sanity is suddenly so hard to assume, feeling abit like Dr. Jeykll/Hyde, only without the formula. which reminds me, must must must get that Automobile (league of EG) before i'm thirty, or die trying. also must try to attain immortality or become a demi-god at the very least.
on a more lucid note, gonna play pool again today! haha 'tonsiLester' says i'm good at potting, which frankly, sounds abit botanical or excretal. hehe... no matter, will try to learn some other stuff today, like maybe 'blooming' or 'flushing' or whatever.
Monday, August 18, 2003
i have some good news and some bad news.
good news is, nowadays i can wake up and not remember her. still without love, but hey, one step at a time right?
and now for the bad news. my class had been hurtling towards a fallout at lightning speed of late, and tempers and agendas jostled for stage debuts. i won't say i'm right (because according to some people if you aren't perfect you can always be wrong), and this is not the place to take sides.
all i'm trying to do here is: establish a bottom line
which goes like this. we are not bad people. no one in class -as far as i can see- is capable of crime or treachery. we are not malicious in nature, we are not scheming in nature, but i guess the compromise (and the bottome line) here will be an admission of carelessness.
carelessness in attitude, carelessness of remarks, it is not a genuine disregard but a slip of the conscience.
i'm talking about myself, and the rest of you too. that is my bottome line.
we're not perfect, but take heed that everyone has their own demons, and it's very damning to just assume that people aren't trying to absolve it at their own pace, in their own time. we don't have good karma as a class, and i'm well aware of our diversity, but the conflicts don't arise out of differences. it is the carelessness that creates friction, and the differences are just there to validate the sparks.
anyway, if anyone has anything to say to anybody, do it out in the open, wrapped it up as a constructively-critical present with a ribbon then maybe we'll all know what the fuck's wrong yeah.
was channel surfing yesterday when i coincided with this drama serial, and a woman in there said, "God is fair. when he gives you something, he'll take something else away from you." i don't believe in God, but that's just another way of saying we give value to things in our lives, and sometimes we have to choose. i tried to choose the class some time back, but i guess the class just didn't choose me.
Monday, August 04, 2003
Friday, August 01, 2003
yesterday night i panicked because i forgot our anniversary it's been nearly 8 months now sometimes it just slips my mind but i sifted through memory and remembered once when you grumbled that we missed your favourite number by a day and since your favourite number is 7 we probably got together on the 8th right so i'm thinking 8th august will be exactly 8 months since you said that it wasn't the red light or the amber light and i guessed it was the green light but it could have been grey couldn't it but anyway on another note my inventory of you consists of 2 neoprints 1 photograph the 2 diaries you kept when either one of us was away (pucca and 2002) a necklace pendant birthday candles and cocktail umbrellas from that special night where everything seemed to exist for us the pack of cards that hit right on the spot (Ace of Spades King of Spades Ace of Hearts and King of Hearts with nothing in between us) the ring made of purple and sky-blue threads your christmas cards your gloves and this is just what i remember oh yeah there is a foam-like pink-coloured mini-heart and two sweet cards so i'm writing all these down lest i forget have a good life ahead of you seraph
