so i took the matrix persona test. i was looking for Persophone, but i got Trinity. so i retook it, and ended up with that frenh guy with the impossible name (we shall call him Fnopangfobegpqm to substantiate my claim) and ugly goatee. but the last straw came when i got MORPHEUS GODDAMNED MORPHEUS on my third try, the rambling, opening-sentence-equals-concluding-sentence-15min-speech-fetishes Morpheus. so i gave up. all in all, i spent half an hour trying to figure out the character of Persepone, but alas. anyway, at least i got her husband, and that means something eh ben? =] stupid jonah stop complaining about Persephone, you don't know how lucky you are, her boobs are really something. which reminds me: anyone with a uncensored (preferably European) copy of Malena or other monica belluci "ARTHOUSE" films please feel free to mail one copy to The Venerable Gaston.
- posted by fey @ 5:28 PM

 

you are "the perks of being a wallflower"
by stephen chbosky.


which amazing piece of literature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

- posted by fey @ 5:08 PM

 
ok, i went to town yesterday, but all you need to know is this: i chanced upon her, in the moment that happened between past and future- the intersection of present. actually, i saw her friend first. and i stared intently, trying to place the face, and when i did, i furrowed my eyebrows and folded my forehead- a black frown. somehow i didn't have to look past her friend, and i didn't want to look past either. the "funny feeling" surged upwards in the form of gravity-defying lachrymose, and out of civility i glanced unwillingly at her, forced the two ends of my lips into an upturned frown disguised as a smile. omnia mutantur, nihil interit. she seemed embarassed. i seemed embarassed. seemed. i think i saw her with a guy. yes, it shouldn't bother me; "you're right. i know you're right." (this line is abducted from 'when harry met sally') i think i saw her with a guy. yes, it shouldn't bother me; you're right. i know you're right. i think i saw her with a-

then i had nightmares last night. about dying in place of my sister for some obscure reason. about sms-ing all my good friends to thank them. about a struggle between the heart and the finger to call her. about crying, about waking up in tears, about her about her about her. this blog might not last. i can already see it spiralling the way my last one did: decaying into a mossy, ant-tracked shrine devoted to her, like the lonely, singular breast of a cancer patient, a half that had lost it's other half, its definitive half. a lonely breast, an incomplete chest.
- posted by fey @ 12:59 PM

 
there was a post a few days back, but the arcane moods of the internet. it was about musical reminders through the untimely, unforgiving radio, my self-enforced ennui, my premature optimism about a day at the beach on that day's tomorrow. it went on about how maybe i could be relieved of you at the beach. but anyway, what i really wanted to say was, i remembered the last line of the unfortunate post, and it went like "but tomorrow is tomorrow is not today." so. what strings each elapsed day together? expectation? retrospection? or a reflex tendency to hope, and hope backwards sometimes ("if only...")?
- posted by fey @ 10:05 PM

 
do you feel hollow after a night at a club, even though you flirted and ground with 3, 4 girls in those few hours wedged between night and day? you've drunk so much since you were 14, you can't feel high without downing 25 shots, and your experience can tell you whether the bartenders dribbled enough vodka into your drinks using those hermetic, metallic things. you can quote the proportions for each housepour, turn on the alpha-male male mode whenever you're in a mob jostling for freeflow (somehow you always get it sooner than everyone else). you can do all these things, but after the lights go on, everyone shuffles out, maybe go for a bit of supper, and share cabs back. on the way home you always realise, you knew none of the bitches who kept grinding at your crotch, can't remember their faces, and you always ask yourself why you didn't bother to bring it further. of course i have fun, no doubt about it, when you spend like 200, 300 a night you're obliged to have some fun. it's almost as if you were paid (by yourself) to have fun. but that's not the point is it. joel, sorry if you had to worry about me for milieu's, i wasn't drunk. i just wished i were, and i wished very hard.
- posted by fey @ 6:39 PM

 
today, i looked at my first post of this blog, and i let out a grey-coloured laugh into the echoes of irony. =)
- posted by fey @ 4:02 PM

 
"i wanna love you but my hands are tied,
i wanna stay here but i've been denied" - Starsailor - Tie Up My Hands

so i hid and eluded you that day, i heard you looked around for me a bit. hung around my class bench, even. but i was under my blanket using its opacity as an excuse to stay inert. like a dumb ostrich, plunging his head into the sand as you charged closer and closer andcloser. "why did you come at all / if it wasn't for me" - Erlend Oye - Sudden Rush

you know what you denied me? if you knew maybe we could start all over, but could is so presumptuous and so am i and so are you.
- posted by fey @ 3:49 PM